February 8th: Feeding the Five Thousand

Matthew 14:13-33

¹³ When Jesus heard about John, he withdrew in a boat to a deserted place by himself. When the crowds learned this, they followed him on foot from the cities. ¹⁴ When Jesus arrived and saw a large crowd, he had compassion for them and healed those who were sick. ¹⁵ That evening his disciples came and said to him, “This is an isolated place and it’s getting late. Send the crowds away so they can go into the villages and buy food for themselves.”

¹⁶ But Jesus said to them, “There’s no need to send them away. You give them something to eat.”

¹⁷ They replied, “We have nothing here except five loaves of bread and two fish.”

¹⁸ He said, “Bring them here to me.” ¹⁹ He ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass. He took the five loaves of bread and the two fish, looked up to heaven, blessed them and broke the loaves apart and gave them to his disciples. Then the disciples gave them to the crowds. ²⁰ Everyone ate until they were full, and they filled twelve baskets with the leftovers. ²¹ About five thousand men plus women and children had eaten.

Right then, Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead to the other side of the lake while he dismissed the crowds. ²³ When he sent them away, he went up onto a mountain by himself to pray. Evening came and he was alone. ²⁴ Meanwhile, the boat, fighting a strong headwind, was being battered by the waves and was already far away from land. ²⁵ Very early in the morning he came to his disciples, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified and said, “It’s a ghost!” They were so frightened they screamed.

²⁷ Just then Jesus spoke to them, “Be encouraged! It’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

²⁸ Peter replied, “Lord, if it’s you, order me to come to you on the water.”

²⁹ And Jesus said, “Come.”

Then Peter got out of the boat and was walking on the water toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when Peter saw the strong wind, he became frightened. As he began to sink, he shouted, “Lord, rescue me!”

³¹ Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him, saying, “You man of weak faith! Why did you begin to have doubts?” ³² When they got into the boat, the wind settled down.

³³ Then those in the boat worshipped Jesus and said, “You must be God’s Son!”

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As part of my seminary training to become an ordained pastor I completed an intensive 10 week program called “Clinical Pastoral Education” (“CPE” for short) at a local hospital.  Clinical Pastoral Education has something of a reputation: all you have to do is say the name “CPE” in front of a group of pastors and you will get a variety of reactions, none of them half-hearted.  It’s a program that certainly lives up to the “intensive” description.  Students take part in extremely deep conversations with a small group and also spend a great deal of time on hospital units, getting to know patients and staff. Then there are the “on call” hours when a student is the chaplain on duty for a certain period, quite often overnight.  It can be a very draining, yet also rewarding, experience.

I can’t say that I vividly remember much my first time “on call." Most of it is a blur: running from this emergency to that crisis, praying at the bedside of a dying person, speaking to a family about their grandmother.  One moment did stand out to me, however.  After a long night of no sleep with only forty-five minutes left in my shift, I was called to speak with a family who had just arrived in the emergency room with their ill relative. They were very kind and gracious but I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, they deserve better than some inexperienced, groggy, bleary-eyed student at a time like this.” I felt like I had nothing left in the tank and that I was running on fumes. 

As far as I remember, I didn’t “crash and burn” during this encounter, but it was touch and go to say the least, and this was during a time when I was feeling positive about helping people. There have been other times in my ministry where I have felt like I just needed to get away but the phone keeps ringing and people keep talking. You don’t have to be a minister to have a similar experience! All of us can have times like this.

Which brings me to Jesus...

Our lesson today begins with the statement, “When Jesus heard about John…” 

“What did he hear?” you might ask. Just this: John was dead, executed by Herod Antipas when he spoke out against Herod’s marriage to Herodias.  The Gospel of Luke tells us that John was Jesus’ cousin. While Mathew doesn’t include this fact in his account, it is clear that John was important to Jesus. John had baptized him in the Jordan, they had preached similar messages and had pursued similar ministries.  With the news that John was dead, Jesus attempts to be by himself.  He needs some time to be alone with his closest followers, but the crowds follow him.  Everything that happens in this story needs to be seen through this lens. 

We’re not told if Jesus is tired, sad, angry or discouraged at this point although it is certainly possible and rather likely. What we do hear is that “he had compassion” for the great crowd.  He cures their sick, he feeds them in a miraculous fashion.  He gives of himself.  Then he attempts to be alone once again: this time without even his disciples.  He goes to a mountain to pray, to be with his father.  But then there’s a storm and the disciples are in need of help, so we walks out to them ON THE WATER.  Even when Peter sinks due to his lack of faith, Jesus immediately pulls him out again. 

I look at what Jesus did and I am comforted.  I’m also inspired.  I’m comforted because he could have told the crowds, “Forget you, I need some time.” He could have looked at Peter and said, “Really?!?! I’m just going to let you sink. You see this guys? You in the boat? This is what happens when you don’t have enough faith!” He doesn’t. He has compassion. He reaches out his hand.  This is the kind of Savior and Lord that we have: a compassionate one who heals, feeds and reaches out.

I am also inspired by Jesus’ example.  As I read through the Gospels, I see that Jesus is always finding a balance between being alone in deserted places and time in public ministry. There are times when things get so busy he and his disciples barely have time to eat. When this happens, he takes them away to a deserted place. There are also times (like today) when he is attempting to get away, but encounters people in need.  Then he errs on the side of compassion.  I see Jesus and I say, “I’d like to be more like that.” Can I be more like Jesus? Only by the action and presence of the Holy Spirit. Thank God for my baptism where I received this amazing gift! 

Because of God’s grace, I can start by seeing Jesus as a gift that I receive and then move to seeing him as an example to follow. With this reality, there’s a new life waiting for me each and every day.

If I find myself in a situation similar to the one I described from my time in CPE, where I was exhausted and a bit out of it in the middle of a pastoral conversation, I can remind myself that I do not need to be the savior of whoever I am speaking to: they already have one and he’s named Jesus. All of a sudden, I can put things in a proper and helpful perspective.  At the same time, I can look to Jesus’ example and see someone who balanced self-care with the care of others. I can see someone who always chose compassion.  With the Holy Spirit’s presence, I can follow in his footsteps like those bumbling disciples and when I fall I can cry out “Lord, save me!” His hand will be there.